Good evening from a dull cotswold city.
I'm finding escape very hard to come by, and nature is something I love to indulge myself in.
Makes it more difficult when I am unable to leave the house on my own for long periods of time without feeling sick and panicy. I'm on a higher dose of anti depressants. I am sleeping better but my head likes to immitate someone hitting me with a hammer. I am trying to drink more water as that is the main cause.
Besides from the countless negatives, the denial in support etc
I have had a vast improvement when I am with my friends. I have been out with them, I've had a dear friend visit and stay and I managed to make a few vast decisions:
Modelling is something I want to do full time, not happening any time soon unless I rapidly get better over night which depression as a scorned mistress won't let me forget my flaws.
That and I don't have full support from home to do so.
I have decided to lose 1st 3lbs which will take me to around 8 stone 6lbs and to dye my hair purple again sometime when I have the time, man power and money.
Not many of you know this, but I am a writer. Poetry is my passion aside from modelling and, I have been encouraged by those whom have read and I quote "Edgar Allen Poe" "Sinister" "Deep and dark" poetry to release it into the world within a book. I'm absolutely extactic at the idea I must say! I have delved back into a dark past and pulled out words written by a very messed up girl. I want to do some images for the book with my good friend Dave-Ellis
who has not given up on me despite spats of anger which are out of my control and for understanding a good majority of what I'm suffering.
Trouble is, I am so eager to share my poetry now. Confidence is something I lack on my own and I find it hard to even take a 'Selfie' without taking 50 before hand. I am so judgemental on myself and I despise being so ill and so fragile. What you need to remember my darlings is that I am strong knowing that almost 950 of you are reading, sending messages of support, enjoying my portfolio and hopefully come with me to explore a new side of me within my poetry.
Sometimes the darkness can be your friend.
I am blessed despite the curse. And I love you all very much.